Not this.

Oh, sure.  There’s totally a face on Mars.  I can show it to you if you want.  Seriously, I can show you up-close pictures of the face on Mars.  They’re really clear and really crisp and they show that there’s REALLY A FACE on Mars.  I’m serious, I have a REALLY GOOD picture of the face on Mars and I’m gonna post it here now.

You ready?  Its a big shocker.

LOOK AT THE FACE ON THIS GUY.

Mars was a badass okay you did not mess with that guy or you’d wake up dead.

And sure he had an ancient civilization, he was the Mewdamned focal point of the entire military religion of Rome’s armies without Mars there wouldn’t have BEEN a Rome.

(Readmore break for length.  As of this plot-post, if anyone at all is interested in doing so, the ‘captured’ Pokemon are now available for questions.)

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divineguardians:

blunderingguide answered your question: OOC: OK SO

how about arbok?

Chibi lil arbok~ 

Arboks:  Look Cute, Still Fuck Things Up

Far as I’m aware, every Pokemon is capable of cryin’, Arboks too.  Believe me if it can cry, I’ve made it do it.  And I haven’t met a species yet I couldn’t coax some tears out of.

And why wouldn’t we get emotional?  I mean I’m Mewdamned talking to you, you don’t get to the point of spontaneous conversation in a spoken, recognizable human language without developin’ some degree of empathy, whether you’re actually human or not.

And yeah, I’ve cried once or twice.  Shit happens and when you’re eyeball deep in it watchin’ the things you love most presumably die, you get a little worked up.

Do I look like a large, easygoing, intelligent, rather attractive Nidoking in a labcoat to you?

Blah.  Whatever.  They swim by takin’ water in their gills then jettin’ it out behind ‘em at high speed.  The huge fins give ‘em lots of fine control over what amounts to jet powered underwater flight.  They can’t do it for very long at top speed though, so they like to lurk down deep until they spot somethin’ swimmin’ on the surface, then they jet up at it from straight underneath it.  Chasin’ it is a last resort and if a Sharpedo misses the first strike it sometimes won’t even try again, ‘cus they’re made for sprinting, not a long chase.

THIS IS ONE REASON I DON’T SWIM.

He’s…  Afraid of snakes.

And you…  Want to box one of us up…

And take it into a public place…

And turn it loose to scare him…

And possibly provoke a massive panic as the snake goes crazy and bites everything in the history of ever?

…

HAHAHAHAHAHA DO IT!

DO IT!

DO IT!

Eh.  Plenty of Pokemon didn’t get what we had, and Pokemon aren’t any better than humans about lookin’ down on what they don’t understand.

Me and Wyatt had…  A real affection for one another.  There was love.  A lot of it.  We just…  Showed it differently.  We weren’t lovey-Pidovey hugs-and-kisses affectionate.  I liked to hurt him.  And he liked when I did.  I never hurt him badly.  Physically, anyway.  And when other Pokemon saw the bite marks and bruises, sometimes they’d look at me like I was a monster.

And I’d look back like the monster they thought I was, because I am one.  But everything I did to prettyboy, he asked for.  Even begged for, sometimes.  Since we broke it off we’ve talked about it, what we did together.  He told me that he enjoyed it, but he hasn’t wanted that kind of relationship with anyone else.  That it wasn’t bein’ hurt that he liked, it was bein’ hurt by me.  He hasn’t ever had those kind of urges with anyone else he’s been with.

I dunno about any of that, but I know the kinds of looks I’d get when Pokemon realized I was the reason Wyatt was usually lightheaded from slight poison exposure and bruised and bitten and such.  They weren’t understandin’ looks, so yeah, I’d say we were looked down on pretty consistently.

And we didn’t care, because we knew the truth of it.

He wouldn’t.  Never in a million Arceusfuckin’ years.  Mills would literally die before he got rid of any of us, and fuck you very much for suggestin’ he would.  He raised each of us up from Pokemon nobody else wanted, he made us what we are and what we always will be.  He wouldn’t trade us away.  Ever.

Now get out before I start actin’ as angry as I actually am.